Month: June 2022

Drinking

In group-oriented societies like Asia, people have been hierarchically divided into superiors – inferiors. Primarily based on social class, sex, age, and occupation. As a result, it can be almost impossible for those in different groups to communicate effectively. This has also meant following extremely detailed and strictly enforced rules of etiquette. Violations of which can be devastating. This social system is highly impractical, to say the least, and has required a way to bypass all these rules of etiquette and taboos. “Let’s have a drink”

Umju – the great equalizer

Korea is an outstanding example of this. Umju (uhm-juu) or drinking (usually to much) has allowed people to ignore traditional etiquette to talk openly and honestly but only in specific settings. Typically, a bar or Karaoke room. During these Umju bouts people can remove their masks and reveal their true selves to each other. Only exception is when the big boss is present. What goes on there – stays there.

Bypassing the bypass

These bouts are absolutely necessary for establishing business relationships. It is not uncommon to be pressured into drinking to excess. Unless there is a specific medical reason to not drink, Koreans can feel constrained and awkward. Especially, when it’s a foreigner. Claiming you’re on antibiotics might be good enough in social situations but it’s weak when out with business contacts, trying to make a good impression. A way around this is to pretend you’re drunk after a couple of drinks and then sip for the rest of the night.

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Suppose you’re talking with your Asian prospect or customer, everything is going fine, as far as you know.

But suddenly you hear some sucking sounds. Your counterpart is drawing in air through his teeth making a clearly audible sucking sound. NOT GOOD.

In general, Asians rarely give a straight out “No.” nor, will they show their emotions. This sucking-like sound means, “No” and that possibly they are upset. If you hear this back-off, rethink your strategy, and proceed with caution.

In the west, we are told to be logical, and objective and to keep our feelings under control especially in public and in business relations. Our private lives are meant to be separate from our professional lives. Business is business. Judgments are meant to be impersonal never personal.

In direct contrast to Chinese culture.

However, what western culture adheres to is in direct contrast to Chinese culture. Every relationship, whether personal or business, involves “Jidong,” or personal feelings. These feelings always need to be considered and dealt with appropriately. Unfortunately, when the personal-emotional approach of the Chinese, meets head-on with the westerner’s objective-logical approach, misunderstandings, friction, mistrust, and ruffled feelings often result. But there’s more to it than just this.

Switch hitters.

This emotional aspect of the Chinese does not exclude any logical, pragmatic thinking and behaviour. In this sense, Chinese have an advantage as they can combine the emotional and the pragmatic and switch from one to the other as required. Whereas, in Western culture we are trained to leave emotions out of it and to focus only on the logical. This can put us at a disadvantage.

A strategy available

To westerner’s who are not aware of this, the Chinese can be mystifying and frustrating to work with. The personal relationships that are believed to be on solid ground can, and often are ignored or suspended when it’s expedient to do so. One strategy available is to build the relationship based on both rational business considerations and personal connections. Doing this will hopefully be enough to prevent changes in the relationships or avoid this situation altogether.

Han – the force that drives Koreans

From the start of Korea’s history up to 1945, the common people of Korea have lived under some type of authoritarian rule. Each one was designed to prevent Koreans from thinking and behaving as individuals, including limiting their choices in how and where they lived. Over time, these restrictions gradually became tighter and tighter. In fact, virtually all the emotions, spirit, intellect, and ambitions that are a natural part of being human were under strict control.

Societal Pressure Cooker

As a result, a tremendous amount of force known as “han”, or “unrequited resentments” had accumulated. These resentments could take numerous forms. Such as the han of political abuse, the han of sexual abuse, the han of poverty, or the han of class immobility. Whatever the case, the force that had been building up inside of Koreans for centuries needed an outlet.

Liberation with amazing results

That outlet came in 1953 when Koreans were finally liberated from living inside this societal pressure cooker. Since then, the results have been amazing. In slightly more than one generation, Korean’s have used their pent-up ambitions, creativity, and energy to build an economic superpower that’s one of the strongest in the world.

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Asian philosophy stresses the importance of controlling the mind and disciplining it to achieve specific goals whether its in martial arts, architecture, or gardening. Kyong, as it is known in Korean society, has played a key role in the government and cultural establishment’s objective of having a smooth-running and obedient society.

Gaining control of emotions and mind

Kyong mandates that all rules of etiquette, relationships, and behaviors are to be meticulously detailed and performed without any opposition. As these mandates were reinforced constantly from childhood onwards not only was the mind-controlled but the emotions as well.  Zen Buddhist teachings are in fact based entirely on gaining control of all the emotions as well as the mind. These Buddhist principles set the example for society to follow and as a result became an integral part of state ideology and popular culture.

Extraordinary mental endurance and strength

Following Kyong to the letter requires extraordinary mental endurance and strength. Often resulting in the phenomenon known as “Momsal”. This is akin to the virtual and complete shutdown of the mind and body. Momsal was traditionally the only excuse allowed for not following proper protocol or fulfilling obligations.

Still seen today

The influence of Kyong can still be seen to this day in the character and behaviour of modern-day Koreans.  Most notably in their famed stubbornness, can do attitude and total dedication to succeed in anything they put their minds to.

From the days of Marco Polo onwards, western men especially, have been captivated by the mystique of the Orient. Much of this was and still is, based on the beauty of Asian women along with the beliefs regarding their sexual availability. On top of this was the perception, that many of the things regarded as sinful in the Christian world would be perfectly normal and acceptable in the Orient. Sin needed to be redefined.

What is Sin?

The Korean term “Choe” (cho – eh) which translates as “sin,” helps to explain this. Koreans have a clear understanding of Choe or sin, but it is very different from the Western definition. Choe, is concerned with outward appearances whereas Christian sin involves inner thoughts and outward expressions of behaviour.

Sin means something entirely different.

Choe, focused primarily on the failure of an inferior to behave in a respectful manner to superiors or to disobey orders which were never, ever to be questioned. For instance, a child not respecting or obeying # the father. This is a sin of the first order. Sin, defined by this criterion is not based on absolutes, such as right and wrong, but on the effect, it has on the family, and society itself.

A secondary level of Choe involved the breaking of rules of etiquette or proper behaviour between the sexes, husband, and wife, young and old. Examples are, failing to bow properly, not using the prescribed forms of speech or poor etiquette. Transgressions such as these were still deplorable and unacceptable but not quite to the same degree as those mentioned above.

Sin, in the traditional Korean sense, is any behaviour that upsets the detailed balance of social harmony in all relationships. Morality was about the physical and not the intellectual ideas of right and wrong as it is in Christian societies. The concept of morality and sin in the Korean (Asian) sense is circumstantial. Even so, what was seen as a moral sin to some people was perfectly okay for others.

“Anything goes” type of mentality

Foreigners saw that Christian sins didn’t apply to Korea or the Orient. This would lead to an “anything goes” type of mentality. Including, the notion, that they could get away with virtually anything at any time. However, this wasn’t always the case.

The concept of sin in Korea has changed a lot in recent years. Mostly from the growth in popularity of Christianity. The Christian sense of morality and democracy is most evident in government and in the treatment of women. Choe, however, continues as Confucian and Buddhist ideals remain first and foremost.

Choe gives leeway

One of the advantages that Choe based morality has over the western sin ethic is that it allows for a tremendous amount of leeway in what people can do and how they do it. As there are no universal absolutes such as right and wrong, politicians and businessmen feel their actions are to be judged on the basis of the risk involved and the amount of benefit they get if they succeed.

In Western culture, the center of our being is the heart such as in the expression “ a matter of the heart.” However, in many Asian cultures, the center of one’s being is the stomach or abdomen.

It’s the belly, not the heart

Japan provides a good example. In that culture, the stomach is the source of kindness, compassion, courage, temper, generosity, and so forth. It is also where a person’s instinctive or telepathic abilities to read other people’s minds reside. This ability is known as “haragei” or “the art of the belly.” It’s also one of the most important and essential skills needed in human relations.

That sixth sense or intuitive feeling

Another term referring to the stomach is “hara no mushi” which literally translates to stomach worms. These stomach worms are the source of a person’s sixth sense or intuitive feeling. The Western equivalent would be our “gut feeling.” The thought of having worms in the stomach is most likely not very appealing to us Westerners.

Worms

The word “mushi” or worms, is found in numerous expressions. The equivalent of our saying “ a little bird told me” is “a little stomach worm (bug) told me.” When Japanese describe a person as having a big stomach it doesn’t mean the person is fat but that the person is big-hearted and kind. Whereas if we are told we have a big stomach we would see this as an insult. And finally, when a Japanese is in a bad mood it’s because their worm is in the wrong place.

In Confucian societies

Confucian societies like China, Japan, and Korea, preserving harmony by saving face for everyone is of the utmost importance. Ideally harmony will result when everyone behaves according to their prescribed role and refrains from disagreeing or confronting another. Especially when interacting with others of the same class or higher. Any disagreement or opposing points of view must be made indirectly, and with the slightest of hints. Never directly, boldly, or argumentatively.  Confrontation is to be avoided at all costs.

In Western societies

In Western societies, like North America, people are encouraged, even expected to have, and express different ideas and opinions. “Step up, voice your opinion, be heard.” To debate and question the merit of an idea or proposition is lauded. In this sense, Western cultures can be viewed as being confrontational.

A Key Difference between the two

In North America It’s okay to disagree or attack an idea or proposal. But it’s not okay to attack the person him/herself. These are to be kept separate. We will make that distinction. Yet, in non-confrontational societies, like Asia, this separation does not exist. Both are tightly interconnected. An attack on an idea is an attack on the person. Disagreements however, slight, or unintended can be interpreted as a personal confrontation. This results in the loss of face for both parties. Disharmony is bound to occur.